A look back

Last New Years Eve I had a massive pain flare. So bad that i called the emergency line, which at my pain doctor's means having to call the ER and ask for the anesthesiologist on call, which may just be a surgical anesthesiologist with very little training on pain management. By some miracle the one on duty got ahold of my doctor and had him call me back. Yes, on New Years Eve. It was one of the sweetest things a doctor has ever done for me. He couldn't do much, but tell me to take an extra pill and rest and hang in there. But the fact that he took time to call me on a holiday, meant a lot to me.

2012 was an interesting year. I thought my pain would improve, but it's worsened. I tried many treatments in 2012 including calmare which i thought held great promise, because at one point during treatment i was down to 2/10 pain level. However, i then started to withdrawl from cymbalta and topomax which is no joke. It is so painful. Then i had the hope that I would get inpatient ketamine, but my insurance keeps to this day denying it. I had outpatient ketamine a few times, the most successful was a series of 4 days at the end of August/beginning of September that gave me a month of decent relief with my average pain level being about a 5/10. Then that faded. I thought i would have to drop out of school, but i made it. Instead i'm transferring to Rutgers Camden in 2013. I will be going part time.

2012 did have some great memories. My favorite was going to see Priscilla for the fifth time and attending the fan/cast party i was invited to. It was so much fun. I also had a blast watching the Tonys even though i was in a horrific pain flare, i would not go to the ER until I saw Audra Mcdonald win and give her speech. I'm glad i did hold out, because her speech was amazing. Then i got to see Audra perform in Porgy and Bess!! I also got to go to Ghost the musical closing night!

I've met online many with RSD this year. They are my support system. It is great to have people that know exactly what i'm going through. I also am grateful for those that read this blog and those that don't but still support me weather they have RSD or not.

Here's to hoping 2013 will be better!

A Post Christmas Update

Christmas Eve was very painful for me. Luckily i rested most of the day and put my tens unit on for the family party and got through it. On Christmas Day, my pain wasn't as bad. i wore my tens unit to my grandparents house for the family party there in the afternoon/evening. However, as soon as I got home and took off the tens unit, I started to flare.

Today is a miserable day. I'm in lots of pain. I called my doctor. He wants me to get more outpatient ketamine next week, so i'll be getting more next wed, thurs and fri (2nd-4th). He also told me i can have my tens unit on as much i as want, as long as i dont fall asleep overnight with it on.

Tonight is really bad due to the weather. It's been rainy and snowy all day. It's now heavy rain. this is not good for my RSD.

going to rest tomorrow as much as possible. Friday I may see a friend. On the weekend i may visit with my grandparents.

ketamine days 1 and 2

So today and yesterday i got IV ketamine for my RSD/CRPS, and i still have one day left tomorrow. Yesterday i arrived, and they had me registered and all, but they had no official orders/script for my ketamine, so they had to call my doctor (one of his colleagues was covering the hospital those days, he was at a satellite office, and he faxed the orders. Then i had to wait for pharmacy to mix the ketamine. after my treatement, i was being transported in  wheelchair to the lobby and outside to my dad's car by a volunteer and they had dogs in the lobby everywhere. It must have been some kind of dog therapy session for the holidays. One big dog came right up to my wheelchair and let me pet him, he was so cute!

Yesterday i was so tired, i slept most of the day and night. This morning i slept for at least an hour or two of  my treatment, which normally i sleep 20 mins max of the treatment. I was just that tired. There were lots of people getting blood transfuisons today, and they are allowed to eat, and the lady next to me had a cheesteak sandwhich at 11:30 with fries that smelled so good, and i wanted to eat so badly. I didn't finish till 12:45 and then i didn't get into my dads car till 1:20 because transport took forever to get a wheelchair up for me. 

I'm very tired. My RSD pain is for sure less. Its at about between a 2/10 to a 6/10 usually at about a 4-5/10. 

really struggling

i'm really struggling tonight. I had a mental breakdown from pain and anxiety which led to more pain and anxiety! I just need to finish this semester so badly. I don't know why i put so much pressure on myself to do so well, i need to realize that I have RSD and i still almost always manage to outdo what i think i'm going to do. Yet that's still not good enough for me.

I cannot wait to get ketamine on Wednesday. I just have to hope that it is as effective as it was last time, giving me a months relief, even if it's just  few points on the pain scale relief.

Tomorrow night i have my night class final and then Tuesday i have my history and mainframe finals and then Thursday night i have a java takehome final due, but cause of ketamine i will have to have it done before then.

Pushing through the pain can sometimes be worth it

i woke up in a massive amount of pain this morning. Due to this, i slept until 10:00 AM. Luckily i didn't have class until 11. I ate a quick non-nutritious breakfast of candy because i didn't have time to get eggs from the cafeteria, and I have to eat something with my medicine to avoid getting sick. I didn't want to go to class, but i knew it was the last Monday of actual class, so i pushed myself to do so. I got to my java class. We were competing our individual robots in robocode. My individual robot was not as good as the robot I created for my team which made it to the top 2 of all the team robots (the top 1 was another from my team), but i figured i'd do my best. The first round, mine made 9th of 14th place in a smaller virtual arena. The second time we competed all of them was in a larger arena and I placed 2nd of 14. And then the next round of the top 7 from that 14, i got 7th. I was satisfied. I actually had fun in class. And it was a great distraction from the pain.

And, Wednesday is an optional make up day for that class, and he's not holding class that day. Plus, the final is apparently take home, so this will be the last time i will see my class.

Later today i have a meeting with a counselor at 1:00, then a tutor from 4-5, and then a night class where i have a quiz from 5:45-8:25. If i get through that night class, i will be estatic! It's not the content, but the timing, cause my pain always flares at night.

Tomorrow I have history class and my last mainframes class. Wednesday i have a tutoring appointment and then i'm heading home for a few days. Just have to get through the rest of today and tomorrow really, cause the tutoring appointment on Wednesday won't be bad.