Repercussions/Reflections

Today i'm in lots of pain. I guess it's from all the activity i did the past two days. However, it felt so good to have little pain and be able to do those activities with friends and family. I felt almost "normal" again, something I haven't felt in years, especially this summer. Sometimes the pain is worth a couple of normal days  with family and friends. Of course, the thunderstorms last night didn't help with the pain either.

It is great to think that Monday i start my treatment and if the treatments work, which i'm very optimistic about, i could potentially do more "normal" and fun things, without having as many repercussions. Now mind you i probably will never run a marathon (though it's not really an interest of mine anyways), but i just want to be able to go shopping and hang out with friends and get through normal daily activities. In other words, i don't' want to spend my dad in bed and in the house. I want to go to classes again in the fall.

Though i'm positive and optimistic about the treatments, i also don't want to get my hopes up to high. A cure would be ideal, with zero pain, but even if my pain was at a 4 or lower on a daily basis, i would be extremely happy. It is nice to picture a life where i can make plans and keep them because i don't have to worry about canceling them last minute cause of a pain flare. I suspect i may have occasional pain flares, but i  hope and think they won't be as often and severe as they are now.

I've been asked what i would do if i ever was cured or went into total remission from my RSD. Honestly i don't know. I would still take it easy, but not as easy as i take it now ( i would actually go out of the house more), but wouldnt start running. I would just try to be as happy and enjoy life as much as possible because it would be a gift from God and not to be negative, but i wouldn't know how long the gift would last. I would still want to hold a fundraiser and help others with RSD because its a vicious disease that took up so much of my life. I would want others to be aware about RSD and those affected by it to hopefully someday have the chance to be pain free as well.

Once again. I do though have to keep reminding myself to not tell myself that this treatment is a 100% cure. I don't want to tell myself it won't work or think negatively because that's not good thinking and nothing good comes from that. However, if i have my hopes up way too high then i'll just get too disappointed if things don't work out. Ill be optimistic and positive but a balanced positive.